Wednesday, October 29, 2008
To Jane:
Jane, my love. Allow me to call you one more time baby, just for this time.
Baby, I know you have suffered a lot mentally. I’m sorry for being the one who caused everything. I know it’s my fault to accept you as a girlfriend. To make you so scared and afraid every time we go out. I love and thank you for sacrificing so much for me. I know after Grandpa pass away, you felt enlighten that you shouldn’t have be with me. I felt a little enlighten at that moment, but because I love you I didn’t mind. I understand how you feel, because you always tell me you are scared but I never once ask you not to be scared. But even if I do, I know you will still be scared. I know you tried very hard to keep everything to yourself. But do know you have me with you, you need to talk to me more about yourself, cannot keep everything to yourself. You have me with you, to face all the odds, difficulties and things that you are afraid to overcome; dearie will always be beside you to guide you. Don’t worry. If you love me, you will trust me.
I know you done a lot of things for me; I appreciate everything you have done. I know you are trying to force me to leave you, because you don’t want to be my burden, but baby you didn’t think for me, you say you hurt me by hurting yourself, but do you know. This is very painful. Really painful.
I think I can no longer stay with you already, I know you no longer want to like me. I am very sad, very hurt. I really don’t understand why girls will treat me like that. I don’t want to like anybody already. When will I find someone who really loves me? I don’t know and I don’t want to find out. You are the 1st girlfriend who treats me so good, I will not forget you.
To be honest with you now, this is the longest lie I have lied to you, you are my longest girlfriend. I didn’t want to tell you because I scared that one day you will leave me like how other girls do. That’s why I replied girls always lie. I was hurt, now again. I really don’t know what to do.
When you told me, you will be the one who will piece up my heart. I was touched, really touched. I thought I found someone who really cares for me. But when I get too in love with you, all things changed.
I know I can no longer say anything to change the way you love me. I can no longer do anything to make you smile and laugh, I can no longer make you happy already. I am useless. I know if I leave you, you will be happy.
I am not going to be soft-hearted now, no longer will. I am going to leave you, I promise I will remember you, I promise I will not throw away your presents, I promise everything I promised you before. I will read finish your book as soon as possible and return it to you. But I just want you to be happy; I know you don’t love me already.
And I don’t want to stick to you. I will go to school myself, eat my meals on time, go out with my friends, and play my games as usual. You will have your time your own free time, you can eat with your classmates your friends; you can go wherever you like with whoever you want. I won’t be worrying for you, because I know you will take care of yourself. I will be normal soon, I guess.
Baby, for all I ever wanted is just a long long relationship with you, till we grow old, still holding hands together smiling and doing funny faces to each other, making fun of each other, scolding each other, angry with each other. But I know, we won’t have it already, you are not my burden, you are my present, my gift, my love, you are someone who is here to take care of me and to love me. But I know you have no other choice but to leave me. I know and can feel that I am no longer important to you but I will still have to say…
Baby, thank you for giving me such a wonderful time every time when we are together, I always give you face, always say there is not enough hugs and kisses, but all I ever want is just to love you more, cause I can no longer do anything else already. I don’t know what to do to give you more surprises; whatever things I try to do, don’t seem to catch your attention anymore.
Baby, from today onwards, I guess I will not see you anymore, I really hope you can take care of yourself, don’t get bullied by people. Wear your clothes nicely, remember to cover at times, unbalance must make it balance, tired must go wet your feet, sleepy must sleep. If you are bored, you can talk to yourself entertain yourself, or to play with yourself cut some ice cubes and sell to yourself. If it’s raining bring a small umbrella out with you, when you got flu, bring a packet of tissue with you, when you finish eating remember to clean your teeth, when you are sleeping remember to cover your blanket, sleep tight and have mon mon dreams. When you wake up, remember to brush your teeth, bathe and change the amount of clothes that will make you more confident to attend school.
Whatever, I do I am also wrong, I don’t even have the rights to get jealous and when I have no expression, I get scolded. I am a November baby; I have privilege to get jealous easily. :(
Sometimes I feel that, you just don’t think for me, whatever decision you made, you decide it straight away, you won’t wait for me, and you won’t want to ask for my decision.
Every time, I feel sad when I am with you, I don’t want to feel sad anymore, I want to leave you; I want to forget about you, I hope time will help me recover.
Now you will have your freedom back, I will not disturb you anymore.
Time to say good bye. :(
I wonder do you still love me…
I know being in a relationship is tough, but honestly being with you is all I ever hope for.
I am hurt, really hurt.
I hope you will find a better boyfriend, who is
Willing to treat you better than me,
Willing to miss you more than me,
Willing to take care of you more than how I can,
Willing to endure your behaviour when you angry,
Willing to do everything for you,
Willing to love you more than I do.
I do hope you will treat your next boyfriend better. I know you will, don’t lose him.
Thank you for this beautiful one year. I really enjoy every moments with you, I really do.
I can no longer, feed you, hug you, kiss you, carry you, carry bag for you, and do many many things that we haven’t did.I won’t be able to eat smelly tofu with you anymore, Wont be able to see your funny weird faces anymore,
:(
Byebye Jane, my longest baby, my longest love. Take care.
STOP ALL BLOG TAGS. UNDERSTAND NOW?? THIS IS WHAT I GAVE HER 4MONTHS AGO, NOW IM STILL SUFFERING. UNDERSTAND. STOP POSTING IRRITATING COMMENTS. FUCKED UP IDIOTS.
8:22 PM
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
FUCKED UP. EVERYONE THINKS IM E WRONG ONE.
9:46 PM
Sunday, October 26, 2008
im no longer lionel. i am damn. i am nothing. i am a piece of shyt.
4:43 AM
Saturday, October 25, 2008
scold scold scold.
2:10 AM
Thursday, October 23, 2008
musicismyonlycompany.
5:43 PM
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
sigh its just so different.
:'( i have no more strength to continue.
6:51 PM
the unwillingness, the nothing.
5:28 PM
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
i had a bad day.
12:14 AM
Monday, October 20, 2008
im feeling this now.
3:19 AM
:'(
just feel like a piece of shyt.
3:13 AM
Sunday, October 19, 2008
i have nothing much to say.
6:44 PM
the silent pant.
6:44 PM
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
when you lost somethings, no matter how much effort you put back to it. it will not return as a whole.
5:27 PM
i guess im closer to it. day by day.
8:37 AM
Monday, October 13, 2008
unappreciated.
11:07 PM
Sunday, October 12, 2008
hurt by the eyes of many.
8:49 PM
unsure what piece on the chessboard to move.
8:21 PM
i'll just let the clock to run, the time to fly, the days to pass.
7:39 AM
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
sigh. im lost i don know.
8:33 PM
perhaps its near the end of time.
7:45 AM
Sunday, October 5, 2008
it will be for the last time.
hurt.
11:05 PM
to HI: for your information, I guess you ain't as fortunate as you wished. you may want to mind your own business, before you get your own ass burnt. if there's anything you want to talk to me about come find me. I know you are someone whom I know, but just don have enough guts to stand out and talk to me. you like to accuse people so be it. to be a busybody you ain't somebody.
Come find me and talk to me if you want. but i guess you wont dare.
7:20 AM
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
i need someone to talk to.
11:19 PM
i began to understand.
5:06 AM
